Self-Inflicted Disability

Yes that is me in July 4, 1994  jumping for joy in the middle of Broadway, Times Square.  

I have now seen 2 months go by and yet to throw my leg over the top tube. I watch the days of Summer come and go, my time to ride-sweat-reflect as I spin down the road.  Simply, I am injured and this will require much patience and "breathing".  I now know what it is to be like in a crazy City that moves quickly around you almost like a whirling vortex.  "YES, I am sorry I have to take one step at a time on the Subway Entrance and Exit!"  "YES, I am sorry I require more time to walk anywhere with my "Chester" like stride."  I need to take it easy New York City and I need to get to work using the Public transportation.  My 'New York minute' is 20 or more depending on the distance and percentage of grade.

It all began with a simple collision with the Subway Turnstile at the 2nd AVE & 72nd Street Station.  I was thinking about work and wrapping my head around riding 100 miles in Texas on a sponsored group ride.  I thought I had swiped my Metro Card to pay the fare, but NOT!!!  BAM! my right thigh took most of the impact.  OWWWWW! that is going to be sore for a while I said.  A week later it was so swollen from hip to knee, my thigh looked like a huge sausage.  It was painful and immediately made my daily routine to a level of REALLY challenged.  Imagine not being able to bend your leg so you can put your pants on or a sock.  Not to mention sitting comfortably, always with a leg straight and elevated.  Getting in and out of the shower was tough, due to the fact that we have a tub.  And I thought recovery from open heart surgery was a challenge--it was but this comparabile with a real photo finish.

I have a hematoma in my right thigh and I take Coumadin for the artificial heart valve.  Imagine if, in the night someone inserted a hard boiled egg in your thigh between muscle layers.  Not to much fun, let me tell ya.  It took almost a month before I could bend my leg to a (guessing) 75 degree angle.  I thought I was on the mend and then it happened.

July 1st brought hope and then July 2nd  immediately back to "square one" with more PAIN and more swelling.  I know pain from the open heart, but this was something new and not fun.  It was very much like my leg was going to explode from the pressure within.  I almost went to the Emergency Room twice, but I did not want to wait for hours in that "meat locker"; very cold in that place.  I gutted it out.  I am now thinking to myself, this is going to take a LONG time to heal so just accept it.

It is now almost the end of July and I am getting better each day with small gains.  I don't think about riding my bike so much as just being able to walk and sit normally.  Then I can stretch and do some jogging-start out slowly, listen to my body.  Eventually I should be back throwing my leg over the top tube spinning away.  I am sure that day will come and I project mid September, but I am not going to rush.

June 7th I embraced the concept of me turning 60 years of age.  Now I need to embrace this new thing----self-inflicted disability.  I have a good understanding the challenges of those who navigate life with impairments and I have a new respect for those individuals.  I also know what it is like to be older and not able to keep up with those younger or more mobile.  I have now joined the "herd of turtles" I refer to when I am with those who move slowly.  My world is not a fast pace right now in New York City.  I might not fit in at this time, but I will catch up with you.  "I will ride within myself", as we say in cycling.  And hopefully soon I will be able to leap for joy in Times Square again.

By the way, I still have that shirt and shorts.  It pays to buy quality things.

Our Bi-yearly Ritual

Immortalized the House on South Pleasant in the play "The Clown Who Ran Away"

I was supposed to post this last year but, well-I did not.  This one is for William B. and Joe, my comrade and guardian in the Summers of our youth.  Enjoy!

It's been a long time and I think this summer I will try to write and post more.  After reading Kathleen

Choe's and Emmy Potter's Blogs (love them) I am inspired and feeling motivated.

The passing of time is huge in life.  Recently I was occupying my mind while painting the front porch deck, with memories of Summers past when my Brother and I had to paint the house on Pleasant Street.  We both painted that house so many times that every nook, cranny and detail was engrained in our mind.  We had to get our chores done before the afternoon sun and any baseball could be played in the backyard.  Dad usually wanted to paint that house every other year.  He painted at nights, before and after dinner, doing the windows and doors.  Dad was a real skilled artist with that angled-sash brush.  He said that painting Windows was relaxing.  Joe (my older brother) and I did the remaining parts on the house sometimes perched high above the ground on that aluminum extension ladder.  That ladder was a key purchase as we also used it to put up the exterior Christmas lights.  That house had some real tricky spots line the triangular detail above the bedrooms and third floor.  There was only about 2 feet of slightly pitched surface to sit and paint the wall and soffit-one hand on the facing and shingles and the other holding the brush.  We rigged our cans with a coat hanger bent around the handle to hook it on the gutter.  It was like a High Wire Circus act.  Both of us were glad

when that was painted.  YIKES!

We worked in the mornings when it was cooler and played baseball after lunch until we were called home for supper.  We never got compensation for our efforts-we knew that it was awesome that we got 3 meals a day, a wonderful house to live and an awesome family that was so supportive.  There were inserections, like the time Dad chose oil based paint one summer and it was a hot one.  We could hardly get that paint on the house before the darn stuff became pudding.  We added more mineral spirits to keep it viscous; I am sure it that made  the formula of the paint weaker and made it more likely to peel and bubble in the hot Missouri sun.

It was a bi-yearly ritual that I will never forget or regret, as it truly taught me the zen of painting a house.  Which flows into my work as a Set Designer.

#hydrate but not too much mineral spirits.

HaPpY NeW YeAr!

It has been a long time since I wrote anything.  I stopped partly because I got busy with work and the other reason is I lost interest and confidence in my "voice".  Yes, yes, yes I know-my glove was too big, the sun is in my eyes and the ball hit a rock.

See I was the guy who wasn't listening in English/Literature class, goofing off and having a good time.  I was going to play football or baseball in college and why did I need to know how to write.  WRONG!  It has been "AWL" about communication written and oral ever since High School.  And yes Mrs. Brown [my English teacher my Junior Year of HS], I should have joined a circus, because this clown was not listening.

So I am back and I have ideas and observations to "ponder".

My image is the beginning of the annual Holiday card which turned into a New Year's card due to circumstances out of my control.  Well okay there was that stint the past few weeks when my life was in a bottle of cheap wine drowning my sorrows and misfortunes.  NOT!!!  I have been busy healing my mind-body-soul and wondering how life will treat my Parental Units as they grow older.  We have lost a couple of people from our immediate family this past year.  One of which I will miss because I "got" their sense of humor and "take" on life's little crazy idiosyncrasies.  He was fun and always had a clever quip to say.  You know the Court Jester was the most intelligent of the reigning royal family or governing body.  I hope he has a piano to play in the after life and a group of people gathered around signing familiar tunes.

But back to my image.  My wife chose "The Upper Room" by Ned Smyth here in Battery Park City.  It is also very Biblical in that is where Christ served "the Last Supper".  So In a way it really is Easter card, a revelation of what is to come in the New Year.  Whatever!  And here is where "Todd being Todd" kicks in:  I just like the sculpture and form, you know it is Art-a respite on the Esplanade-Art form and function.  I never gave a thought about the name tying into a Biblical connection until I had 2 glasses of Prosecco.  Much good Sunday School or Art History critiques sessions did for the shaping of this mind.  Frankly, I just like the sculpture.  The "pups" look so good in the setting-Jimmy Jack, Benedict and Cairo.  When I was planning the Holiday Card the dogs would have been "the Three Wise men" from afar.  Which could lead me into a joke my Father tells about the Wise men and Firemen, but I won't go there.  So I hope you enjoy my image and forget the rambling.  Remember I was not listening in English/Literature classes.  There you have it.

Smiles of Joy

Wow it has been a looonnngggg time since I wrote an entry.  I apologize, but I just got so busy with life and not dedicated enough to keep the words "rolling".  But I am writing and I have been thinking while I ride what I should comment on in my life.  And then, on the 2 Train, Cario and I ran into a cranky MTA employee.

Today I picked the Pupperooni up at my Wife's workplace and we took a pre-ride walk to do any "bindness".  That was successful.  Then we went down into the station and caught a 1 Train in hopes of getting on a 2 or 3 Train at 42nd, 72nd or 96th Street Stops.  We transferred at 72nd to a 2 Train running on the Local Track.  There was a sick passenger on the Train sitting on the Express Track.  We got to 96th Street stop and after we pulled out of the station the Conductor came out of his "cave" and said, "the dog has to be inside the bag." Mind you she only has her head outside the bag, not bothering a soul.  In fact along the way I saw many smiles of joy as they looked at her cute face.  It sure is better than the dour looks that most people have while they ride the trains in NYC.  The Pupperoni is bringing joy to those who are lucky enough to ride in the same car with her.

She was not outside the the bag, except her head and floppy ears.  She was not pan-handling for money or food; if they really want the money--look at their shoes and that will tell AWL.   She was not doing a Hip Hop Pole dance in the car which gets very dangerous for passengers.  And she sure as hell was not smelling up the train car like some "skel" did this morning on the F Train at 7 AVE Stop in Brooklyn.  So what offended the Conductor? Or was he just enforcing the rules and busting my chops, because he could?  Where are these conductors/enforcers when real rules are broken on their trains?  He stole my joy with his officious, empowered attitude.

This is the second time in 2 weeks I have been busted.  Is it my deodorant or maybe the fact that I enjoy my life with my little canine friend/buddy.  Are they jealous or Ebenezer Conductor?  I am sorry that I have offended anyone and I sure as heck think my dog is much better on the train than the iguana I saw once or the fish flopping out of a bag at the Grand Avenue stop.  Heck I have even seen snakes wrapped around owners riding the trains. Maybe reptiles, amphibians and fish are allowed on trains.

Next time I hope the Pupperoni escapes her bag and pees on the Conductors door.

"MTA-losing ridership daily due to their poor quality of service." That is why I rather ride my bike-LOSERS!!!

Free n' Clear-Ready to Roll-

Most of you know that I am an Open Heart Surgery Survivor.  But for those who do not know the story I will keep it short.

The Story-  

In January of 2007 I went in to have a Echo cardiogram on my heart to see why I had a murmur.  They found out I had a bicuspid Aorta Valve and it the Aorta "hose" was dilated three times it size in one spot.  I was born with a birth defect hidden deep inside and a real killer.  Your Aorta Valve is normally tricuspid.  So, I am in the hospital for my first major surgery-EVER-scheduled for the 25th of January 2007.  The Thoracic Surgeon postponed until the 26th to have a rested crew and I was to be the first in and out of the "OR". 

Surgery-

It is a real "hellacious" surgery, but has its merits as they can turn your heart off and put you on a machine while they repair areas and change the valves.  They get your body really cold and then the pit crew comes and and away they go.  As my Mother said (she was a Nurse), "they are going to crack you open like a Lobster!"  Dealt with her usual no "messing around" tone and the dose of tough love I have grown to respect.

Recovery-

Not wished on Anyone.  It is ever so tough and consuming.  Stay germ free and incident free and you are golden, but ever so tired.  You think going all out at a CX race is tough.  Well think about me getting tired just talking on the phone for 5 minutes-TIRED!  So when I am at the finish line of a race and everyone is maxed out-I am thinking, this is not so bad.  But then again I made a deal with Dr. Franklin-Stein my Cardiologist to manage my heart rate and keep it under 170 for a long period of time, I am not going to win any races.  Oh and don't shovel snow.

So I got my annual CT Scan last week where they inject you with this dye. It gives a very distinct image of the heart as it courses through your veins like a very warm rush.  It is surprising how you feel warmth in areas that are extreme. You are on a bed/pallet that is slid through a machine like a Donut.  And they take images of your chest.   This, I will do for the remainder of my life along with taking "rat poison"-Coumadin-to thin my blood for easy passage through my metal Aorta valve.  Think about it, your heart never stops working unless it is time to roll on to the next stage.

I got a call today from the Thoracic Surgeon's office and I am good to go for another year.  Hallelujah, 8 years and rolling!  I fret over this until I get the news; I cannot bear the thought of a problem inside that needs to be repaired or replaced.  And to stare down the mental and emotional prep of another surgery and slow recovery, exhausting to think about.  

I am sure Cancer patients, after they have kicked that disease in the face go through the same process as me.  It is a head game that makes you uncomfortable, as you want to be well and free, no worries no challenges to overcome.  Living Scan to Scan is not a life, but it is a necessity for some-I know by experience.

So God has blessed me again this 8th anniversary and I am truly thankful that I can continue to spend my time with my lovely Wife and my little friend-the Pupperooni.  Oh yes and my friends, don't forget them.  

So I am cleared to train and race.  If you see me at a race or ride, you know my story.  I might not be the fastest.  I might not have tons of power.  But I got a lot of heart.  

"Draw Draw Draw"

HaPpY NeW YeAr!  if I have not seen you in person.  I wanted to thank AWL for purchasing my first book "Jimmy Jack Gets a New Job".  I really appreciate the support and feedback.  I am in the process of starting the second book "Jimmy Jack Gets his Name".  The story will go back into his early days, so we will see a Pup version-which will be hard to illustrate.  Not really but just different than the usual I have been drawing for years.  In fact if you look at all the cards and illustrations I have done with "JJ" in the composition; well he surely has transformed.

And that brings me to the process of illustrations I do.  The above final "cartoon" is a composite of 2 different drawings I created-the Car and "JJ" and Pete his little brother.  Thanks to the technology of a scanner and the use of PhotoSTOP!, it makes my job a bit easier.  Much like I do when creating a Set Design.  In the old days we stood at a copy machine using percentage of enlargements and reductions to get the right proportions.  That seemed like a great tool also, but now I have all that at home in the studio.  However I do miss my days hanging at Kinkos or the local copy store.  A real criteria for me when looking for an apartment was; is there a copy store near, blueprint shop, 1-hour photo (boy that dates me), closest Art Supply Store and how far the subway stations.  Forget about the comfort of the apartment or if it is a 4th floor or 6th floor walk-up.  In fact I miss walking up those 9 inch risers at the building on 45th Street, 348 to be exact.  Gr-8! New York apartment and location, what a blessing!

So now that I have things right at my finger tips I can work faster and play around with things to get the best visual results.  Alas it does not make the drawing process faster-but I enjoy the pencil drawing, then the refinements and finally the "inking" of the drawing.  My FAV pen right now is the Paper Mate-Flair in Black.  My newest find is the Sharpie Pen Fine point; I use that to sign your books if I signed one for you.

And by the way, if you have not purchased a copy of the first book-well I have 90 of them waiting to be shipped.  I will even sign it any way you want, your choice.  I am selling them for $19 + Shipping $7.  $26 greenbacks will get you a personally signed copy and I will donate $1 to Rescue Ridge in Monmouth County NJ.  They rescued "Cairo" from the kill floor at the ASPCA.  Now we have our dear little friend and I cannot think of life with out that little pup and joyful energy.

Who knows, some day there will be a story about her and where she came from.  We think she ran away from the circus.

The Out Takes....

Now that "Jimmy Jack Gets a New Job" is out and a second printing is in the works I thought I would post some of the images that were not used.  I did a considerable amount of drawing to get things just like I wanted-I am particular or just peculiar.  These drawings represent maybe 2nd to 3rd generations of drawings done on trace paper.  I hope you enjoy.

 My Friend Todd Ivins will enjoy the one above-inside joke.

  I loved that TV when I was a kid, circa 1972.

  Ahhhhh

 Kathleen Choe's personal FAV

  This could be used again for sure.

I really like this one as it was one of the "new jobs" Jimmy Jack was dreaming of in anticipation of the job his Pops would assign him.

Stay tuned, In late February I should have the second story about Jimmy Jack ready to go. Keep your fingers CX'd and wish me luck.

HaPpY HoLiDaYs!