Tuesday, September 12, 2023

$FUNNY MONEY$


"Fox in the Henhouse"

My senior year of college at DRURY after arriving and unpacking to the old haunts of the Turner Hall Third Floor Room, I decided to go to Financial Aid in Burnham Hall. I asked Dave if he wanted to come and he said yes. We decided to change our clothes after sweating going up and down stairs with “stuff” to off load in the room. I said, “hey, let’s put on some really ragged clothes, like the ones we wear in the shop and working in the theater. The ones that have holes and tears in them.” My thought was if I was going to talk about money owed or needed, I want to look like I was a real hardship case. 

Now at that time, we got so much aid that is wasn’t even funny. There was so much government money ear marked at the time it was awesome. The Theater Department had “grants” where you would receive 4 to 600 dollars a year. You had to of course have a good academic standing for AWL these funds, but also your Parent’s Financial situation had to be in certain income bracket. Luckily or unluckily my parent’s paychecks were stretched thin always. And I think Dave was in the same situation. WE grew up with AWL that we needed, WE never missed a meal and WE had a very good childhood. Public Schools were fine; no private school for me with uniforms and such—I always wanted to go to such a school. My Parents said the only schools I would go to that had uniforms were military schools of reform schools.


So Dave and I “tricky-trotted” (to borrow a phrase from Grace Fisher Talk, a student colleague) to the Financial Aid office dressed in our “holiest” outfits.  When we arrived we asked the person working the counter at the Bursar’s portion of the office. “Is HE in?” I have no idea what the guy’s name was at the time. "HE" replaced the other dude who left to work at another school. The new guy we met the previous Spring Semester. "HE" seemed to be a bit timid, not the money guy who controlled our future in adult debt.


And speaking of student loan debt, I have 3 loans. The first 2 were for $1200 each; one my Freshman year and one for my Sophomore year. I paid those off with the money I made in the Summer at Starlight Theater as a Union over-hire carpenter and other odd jobs I found. The last loan was at The University of Missouri at Kansas City my first semester of my “second tour of Gradual School”.  It was for, I am vague on it but I think $4000. I did not need it, but my classmates convinced me to take it and buy a computer (which I did not) or use it for books and supplies. You see I was really blessed then, I had a fellowship given to me by the Hall Foundation; you know Hallmark Cards. They paid for everything except books and supplies. And boy did we need supplies to create AWL those wonderful projects. I paid that off within a couple of years of graduation while living in NYC. If you had a job in the Theater business it was very lucrative financially. I learned to Save, Save, Save much as possible. Granny Potter always said, “it’s not what you make, it’s what you save.”


Okay back to the story; where were we, let me see…. Ah yes waiting for the “timid financial aid dude”. Not The Dude in “The Big Lebowski”, more like the guy who was the sidekick played by Steve Buscemi. (BTW, I saw him in Park Slope Brooklyn on 7th Avenue and 9th Street getting Ice cream for his son at Uncle Louies Ice Cream; I was headed to the Pizza place next door for lunch while working at Zack Brown’s Studios on 4th Street). So much for keeping on track with the story. If you know me, my train can cross any tracks if need be to get the story told. Character flaw or just "Todd being Todd".


FINALLY Dave and I were ushered into “HIS” office and we sat down to talk about our financial aid packages. Why "HE" would discuss both Dave and mine at the same time in the same room was interesting. I was told to tell nobody what my aid package was by certain college employees, which I will not name here. The fact of the matter is that I was receiving a handsome sum of money to design, build and paint the sets for the Theater productions. Not to mention the lighting design; more like “master electrician with ideas” and Technical Direction which was problem solving. The reason for this is that my Junior year I had a work study grant and I had to work the morning shift and noon shift in the school cafeteria. I was having a hard time keeping up with class, studies, sleep and let alone the theatrical productions. There are only 24 hours in the day—okay am I building a cross? Seriously, my Parents were going to pull me out of college. I was stretched mentally, physically and emotionally.


So “HE” discussed Dave’s package and I don’t know if Dave had to pay a small sum, but you know we had to contribute something to the mix either in green backs, animal pelts or blood. “HE” then turned to me and explained everything and it sounded really great for me. There was one catch; I owed TWENTY-FIVE CENTS!!! And I had to pay it in order to make the books look good. Don’t mess with an accountant’s ledger, it could be scary for you in retribution either financially or you will be reported to the High Council of CPAs.


So I reached into my very ragged overalls and pulled out a Quarter and put in on “HIS” desk. “HE” said, "Thank you, but you will need to do that at the Bursar’s counter." So I said, “okay and thank you for your time.” Dave and I left the office and went right to the counter outside “HIS” office.  I said I wanted to settle up and I am here to pay.  Pulled out my quarter as they placed my file on the counter with the invoice paper clipped to the folder. I plopped the Quarter on the counter and they wrote me a receipt for it.  I wish I still had that receipt. Dave and I laughed and laughed about the Twenty-five Cent transaction that I made to get a GREAT college edu-mah-kay-shen! The Lady at the counter also mentioned our wardrobes as we were ready to leave. She said, “I see you both are wearing your most impoverished outfits to discuss money.” She chuckled about it.


So for that year, I paid Twenty-five cents for a $3,200 education. Now to make that even more interesting, in today’s money with inflation that is $18,182.36. A quarter inflated to today's money is $1.42.  Still a pretty good deal if you ask me.


Oh did I mention that Medical insurance was $30 ($170.46 in today's money) for the School year and it covered EVERYTHING!!! Amazing, NO? What a deal and it included DENTAL.


The Image above has nothing to do with the story or does it?....

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